MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Yes, it’s that time of year again when I have to compress the wisdom of a year into a few short paragraphs.

This year it’s harder than usual since I have to use some valuable space revisiting old stories. Remember Gary Hart? The guy who got jailed for the Selby disaster coz his car and trailer ran off a motorway and onto a railway track. ‘Thumper’, who was at the time in charge of roads and railways hadn’t bothered to put a fence between them. Well a month or so ago he finished his stretch (Gary that is, unfortunately not Prescott) and was interviewed on TV. His life had been trashed due to a moment’s inattention and a catastrophic coincidence. Of course everyone was happy coz they found someone to blame though not ecstatic because he didn’t say sorry. These days you have to say sorry for everything --- like Dresden for instance. Anyway the thing that made this stick in the memory was that a week or so later some loony decided to kill himself by parking half way across a level crossing. You’ll recall he took out a few others too. It seems to me that the idea of separating cars and railway engines deserves just a tiny bit more attention.

Talking of separating things brings me on to Irish roads. Again. We’ve actually been quite efficient over here lately in the road building game. Bypasses and motorways are actually happening, and not only that, but coming on line early (like a year early in one case) and under budget. OK so we started 20 years too late, which perhaps wouldn’t have been so bad, except we’re using 20 year out of date construction rules too. Example one. Here in Cork there’s a three way dual carriageway junction with all the flyovers and slip roads needed. Tiny problem. The curves are so tight they had to put a 30 limit on them. Bit of penny pinching there I think. Example 2. Until very recently it was official policy NOT to put crash barriers in the centre of motorways. Now, following some predictable deaths, it’s official policy to NOT put crash barriers in the middle of motorways, but only in the case of the busiest motorway in the state. Less busy motorways will now get the barriers. Go figure.

On a local note Cork has just expensively refurbished its main shopping street by making sidewalks and roads the same colour and same level (no kerbs). It’s also done in granite which has been nicely polished so it’s like a skating rink when wet. So when you’re driving in the wet you can’t see where the road ends and the sidewalk begins, and when you finally see the pedestrian you can’t stop. It was designed by Catalan architect Beth Gali, and I guess they don’t get too much rain down there.

Still, it could be worse. I could live in Britain. Let’s say a martian looks at the actions of the great and good and asks himself what the brits think is the most important problem in the world. To do this he checks the time spent on Parliamentary debates. He finds that foxhunting is the most important problem in the world. We don’t care about Darfur, we don’t care about Iraq. Of course if he checked the TV watching habits of the nation he would find that the most important activity in the world was watching I’m a Celebrity, get me out of here. So he’d say to himself, fine, this is all very well but it’s just talk, who are government actually hiring and paying good money for. And he’d look at the Grauniad and discover that the most important job was something like a disabled lesbian outreach officer. Presumably they’ll reach out to counsel distressed disabled lesbian ex-foxhuntresses.

I first got really disenchanted a few months before my father’s death when some functionary wrote to my father about his claim for a discount on his local council tax. (he received only a state pension) The reply was obtuse, inaccurate, and hand written in block capitals. Why do they employ people with reading ages and IQs in single figures? And there’s lots of them about. Look at ofcom. Overseeing and regulating one of the most important hi-tech industries in UK. They recently started a consultation exercise into VoIP. (very low cost phone calls made, at least in part, over the internet). This is madness. I’ve used VoIP exclusively for long distance calls for over a year, and there have been commercial suppliers for at least 6 years to my certain knowledge. What’s to consult? It’s here. It works. The end.

2004 was the year of the Olympics. Now tell me, who won the synchronised underwater beach volleyball championship? You don’t remember do you, in fact you’re not even sure if there was a synchronised underwater beach volley ball championship are you? Much has been made of the enormous cost and the fact that it’s all ruined by drugs anyway, and some are calling for the whole ridiculous farrago to be scrapped completely. This betrays a lack of imagination. What is needed is a solution that keeps the good bits (like girls who sit down, covered in excrement and cry when they’re overtaken in a marathon) and solves the problems of cost and drugs. The answer is simple. Make drugs compulsory and have the drug companies sponsor the games. You’ll get harder, faster, higher (viagra, speed, heroin/LSD), you’ll get more dramatic breakdowns and deaths, and more money. Who knows, Britain and Ireland could win more medals too (and keep them). I wrote to the sports minister but I guess he hasn’t had time to reply yet. Ah well.

My news is that, once again, I’m unemployed. I guess I’ll have to start wearing the LFB (Lazy Fat Bastard) T-shirt that Stephanie got me a few years ago. Actually I dug it out recently and it appears to have shrunk. I don’t know what they put in washing powders these days but it seems to be doing that to lots of my clothes lately.

Speaking of Stephanie, she’s now 21; officially adult. Scary isn’t it. Well into her fourth year at Trinity and next year, although not fully qualified, she should be earning. Think less expense. Think rent. Think ‘there is a god’. Sophie is in 2^nd year at Edinburgh doing Landscape Architecture. This seems to be almost everything from gardens to housing estates, motorways to golf courses, and as such it’s keeping her very busy, but she seems to be enjoying it. Sebastian is in what they call transition year at school. It’s sort of a preparation year for the final two year push to leaving certificate (A levels) and includes some work experience type stuff. Since the pressure is off a bit we took him out of school and sent him to Germany for 3 months as part of an exchange deal. The boy he stayed with will be with us for 3 months next term. He came back sounding fluent in German (to me at any rate) and bigger. Where will I get the shoes??

Now Peter has finished his ranting it is time to me to add a few words. This year has been at bit none for me. I suffered for about six months from excruciating lower backache and sciatica. X-rays and MRI have shown slight deterioration and nothing can be done. Thankfully the pain went away after I started some exercises from some books I found recommended on the Internet. I would recommend those books to anyone, I spent huge sums on medicine, scans, acupuncture, osteopaths and so on and it is a £10 book that did it for me, the ‘Multifidus back pain solution’. Peter and I found ourselves on our own for the first time the last three months, it is so strange to have to peel only three potatoes for dinner. I suppose we will have to get used to it but it is lovely to have the children at home, I miss them a lot. I also miss our dog Blackey, she was with us for 12 years, it was hard to see her go. We have now a new pup, Lettie, she is full of mischief and so funny. This year was also the year we started making bread again. Because the bread we make is so much better that the commercial ones, we eat now twice as much bread, hence the shrinking power of our detergents! There is are a French crown and a banana and chocolate loaf in the oven at the moment. Happy Christmas to all. Annie

     Peter and Annie Barwich